Horrifying Multiplex Sights and Sounds

[DavidLaman]

You just paid a horrifying sum for a movie ticket (you nix the concession goodies because you're tapped). You're already hyperventilating from practically being robbed at the box office and going hungry, so the following sights and sounds might finish you off ...

Someone lumbers into the theater with a baby.

Someone with a megaphone voice answers his cell phone before the lights go down and says, "Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere. I'll talk you out of it, no matter how long it takes."

A group of unchaperoned kids and, or, teens files into the theater. (These monsters always remain silent during the ads and trailers. Once the feature begins, all hell breaks loose. Count on it.)

Someone lugs a baby and a toddler into the theater.

Someone enters the theater with a baby, two toddlers, a hyper kid and a chattering teen with Attention Deficit Disorder. This person gives the teen the baby and a cell phone, says, "I trust you will take care of your brothers and sisters," and then leaves the theater.

ENJOY YOUR MOVIE.

[Cap'n Katanga]

I avoid the multiplex as if it were a Dachau-themed amusement park.

If there's something i just gotta see (ala LOTR or Star Wars) I have perfected the "You better shut your cakehole or I'll do it for you" glare. Works like a charm.

[Istagi]

Moveing another to soapbox. This topic is always fun but in the wrong place.

[Monterey Jack]

Another multiplex irritant are inept projectionists who misframe the movie, revealing those dreaded boom mikes at the top of the screen and cutting off important visual imformation at the bottom (like when I saw Femme Fatale, where fully half of the subtitles at the bottom were hacked off!).

[tic-tac]

How about the sound being annoyingly too low, or, of course CRANKED UP. When I went to see Brotherhood of the Wolf, the fight scenes were absolutely painful. There were maybe 5 people in the theater and we were all holding our ears...

[videoworx]

a few years ago several of my friends and I were waiting in line to see a movie (i forget which movie, not important). We happened to be about 6 or 7 feet from the men's bathroom when some guy comes running at full speed past us. He almost makes it into the bathroom before puking his guts out at the entrance, blocking the pathway - to the horror of people exiting the bathroom. Much to my delight, the line QUICKLY moved...

very funny now that I look back on it...another reason I only go to movie theatres on Monday and Tuesday nights...no babies, no kids, no cell phones, and no upset stomachs!

[Wirehed]

These are all the reasons I no longer go to the theater and simply watch DVDs at home.

[Morticia]

Ya got that right, Seamonkey.

Damn *great unwashed* grumble grumble

The screen may be 100x bigger than any HT screen you can buy, but fer krispy kremes! Those icky people!!

[Cap42086]

When I went to see Unbreakable, it just happened to be my first date. She knew me for a couple of years and knew that I was all serious about movies and shit. I even told her before we went how serious I was about my movie watching. And, of course, she completely disregarded anything about what I said. So when the neat little twist ending pops up, she continued to shove her tongue in my mouth. To this day, I'm not even sure what the ending to the movie was.

By the way, she did this throughout the entire movie. Even when I was trying to pull away.

If you were curoius, we went out for two months and there was a whole lot that went down, all hell broke lose, and the rest is history. I'm actually in the middle of writing a book about it.

Back to the main topic, I remember my cousin telling me about how she took her daughter to see Stuart Little and there was a guy that ran across the screen naked for no apparent reason. And I leave you on that happy note.

[UserNameUndecided]

Originally posted by Cap42086
[b]I even told her before we went how serious I was about my movie watching. And, of course, she completely disregarded anything about what I said. So when the neat little twist ending pops up, she continued to shove her tongue in my mouth. To this day, I'm not even sure what the ending to the movie was.

By the way, she did this throughout the entire movie. Even when I was trying to pull away.

Jesus... some people can be so damned rude. <--(sarcasm)

[Wirehed]

With a show of hands, who else wishes he had Cap42086 problems.

[Jerm]

Originally posted by Cap42086
By the way, she did this throughout the entire movie. Even when I was trying to pull away.

I was going to say that we didn't really want to hear all that info, because we could care less how you're "scoring". But then I realized that you're only an immature kid, and you obviously don't know better.
So, I'm here to help you out. Unless someone asks about your "exploits" chances are, nobody cares. This is a DVD board. Not an "I'm such a stud" board.

[sub780lime]

i feel your annoyance at times, but still go to the movies once a week, you forget to mentio the parent who sits behind you with there 5 year old and lets them repeted kick your chair :rar:

[disclover]

One mulitplex (which I have not been to in 12 years, and will never return to again) treated me to the following (on different occasions):

1. Shut off the projector before the end credits of the movie.

2. Staff attempted to chase people out of the theatre (with a megaphone!) just as the last fade-out of the movie occurred, (before the credits had rolled) so they could clean for the next show.

3. Wrong lens on the projector for a 2.35:1 movie, causing the image to be squeezed so badly that it looked like actors' heads would go through the ceiling.

4. Sound broke down at the start of the film; the movie was allowed to continue playing for some time before they stopped it and fixed it. (The movie in question, by the way, was Chariots of Fire, so we all had to watch the runners gracefully heading down the beach without any sound).

The last straw, however, was a tragic event that fortunately I was not in the theatre for. Two gangs broke into a fight during a screening and ended up in a gunfight that ended up killing people.

The theatre is still open, but I believe if you go there you now have to pass through a metal detector (!) as you enter the lobby.

Sad.

EDIT: Regarding loudmouths in theatres...my patience is very short. I have yelled at, scowled at, and thrown withering looks at people who do this in the middle of films. They usually do not do it again after pissing me off.

[The Mobius]

Had to share my repeated experience with a local cinema.
For SpiderMan, The Ring, and a couple of other films recently, we get there early, wait in line, and get the best seats in the house (right in the middle of the row, with a spacious aisle in front).

The house fills up with people.

An employee comes in and announces that "because this showing is sold out, I want everyone to move down to the FAR END of their row, filling in empty seats."

He actually expects us to move down, but we don't.

It's the same guy, every time.

[videoworx]

For SpiderMan, The Ring, and a couple of other films recently, we get there early, wait in line, and get the best seats in the house (right in the middle of the row, with a spacious aisle in front).

speaking of which...what is up with the family of 14 that shows up during the opening credits of a film, on a sold-out-night?? I'm simply amazed that people show up 5-10 minutes INTO a movie, both neglecting the need to see the film, AND expecting to find a row of seats still available...

I'm a fanatic, in that I show up at LEAST 30-45 minutes before a show, just so I can sit in the center, slightly below centre screen (has to be stadium seating). If that area is taken, I get a refund.

I laugh (on the inside, of course) at the morons who show up late...

[MoonSka0]

Originally posted by videoworx
I laugh (on the inside, of course) at the morons who show up late...

Amen to that!

To share my only (so far) bad experience...

I was at the theater with two friends to see Unbreakable. I had gotten some free passes from work, and arrived early enough to get a good seat(People had lined up for two hours ahead of time for this movie...I still don't understand that). So my friends and I were just chatting and a family sits down behind us. Well, after about five minutes the two young teenagers start to screw around. I figure, "OK, its no big deal since the movie hasn't started yet."

The parents were making no attempt to discipline their children, who were repeatedly kicking the backs of our seats and screaming when one was tickling the other. For about 10 minutes we endured this kind of behavior, quietly muttering curses to ourselves. The young teenage girl directly behind me then gave me a great big kick in the back of my chair. Well, I just couldn't be nice anymore. I got up, turned around and just went off on her, in front of her parents too (who still didn't do anything). The last thing I heard her say was to her parents:

I want to go home!

[Oscar Antonio M]

I absolutely hate going to the AMC in Cielo Vista Mall.
People are so rude there, they fart, they eat popcorn loudly, not to mention that they play Dolby too low and DTS too loud.

I hated seeing Spider-Man there, the little kids in the theater just wouldnt shut up and the loudness of the DTS soundtrack just wanst enoguh to shut them up.

Thats why i prefer going to Cinemark, Carmike (except when the military go there, they just wont let watch a film) or the other AMC's.

[Cap'n Katanga]

Had to watch Vanilla Sky while this couple got their grub AT FULL FUCKING VOLUME! Smacking their popcorn and talking like they were in their goddamn living room. Manners, bitches!

[Soggy Bagel's Revenge!]

Haha! Just yet another reason the frequent the arthouses... ^_^

People in attendance there ususally tend to respect the cinema a bit more and keep quiet. I couldn't in any way picture stuff like this happening at say, a screening of "Juliet of the Spirits" ^_~

Thanx,
Brook

[thaggas]

Paper-thin walls. Who would put XXX right next to Signs?

[redshifter]

here's my short list of true multiplex stories:

- guy has heart attack and dies in middle of movie
- smoking
- drinking
- guy with bleeding hands
- crying
- entire movie reel played upsidedown and backwards
- woman with severe body odor
- guy masterbating (not a porno)
- people having sex
- teeth sucking
- talking/cell phone
- crinkling candy wrappers
- kicking my chair
- crackhead shouting random things at the screen in spanish
- people shouting instructions at the characters on the screen
- film breaking
- film burning
- once someone replaced the movie soundtrack with a porno soundtrack as a joke. every time they got the correct audio back, it would revert back to the porno. too funny.

[Deez108]

When I went to see Harry Potter 1, I had this dillhole behind me saying things throughout the entire movie like:

"oooooo, are those wizards!??!"
"those costumes are amazing!!!"
"Which one is Harry Potter??!!!?"
"I wish I could fly on a broom!!" (no joke on this one, I almost spit soda out when I heard this).

:rar:

Keep in mind, this was not a kid, but a 30 something, maybe 40 year old man.

[Jerm]

Originally posted by Deez108
Keep in mind, this was not a kid, but a 30 something, maybe 40 year old man.

Maybe he was mentally impaired, you know, a little slow...

[Deez108]

Originally posted by Jerm
Maybe he was mentally impaired, you know, a little slow...

Hell he could have been. He sounded like John Waters though, just imagine that and you can imagine the hillarity/oddness of the situation.

PS: In order to cover my ass, I am not making any assumptions, deragatory remarks, or trying to offend anybody. I'm just stating the facts.

[Cap42086]

Originally posted by Seamonkey
With a show of hands, who else wishes he had Cap42086 problems.

Trust me. If you saw her, you'd run for the Goddamn hills. That reminds me, she never gave me back my Gladiator DVD.

And sorry for ranting about the whole thing. Yes, I'm just an immature kid. That was pretty much the only time that I've ever done something like that (mostly because I've been scared to death of going out with a girl since). But you guys don't care.

[SebastianCole]

I'm counting my lucky stars I haven't had anything nearly as bad happen to me as some of you had. A few talkers, a couple cell phone incidents, but like others, I have perfected the nasty glare. If anyone got real nasty, I'd throw my drink at them.

On second thought, I wouldn't. They're too expensive. :rar:

[Dr. Shrinker]

Originally posted by Cap42086
Yes, I'm just an immature kid. That was pretty much the only time that I've ever done something like that (mostly because I've been scared to death of going out with a girl since). But you guys don't care.

Why do I suspect your DVD collection includes an inordinate amount of Judy Garland movies?

[theta]

I personally shush people and once bluntly informed a loudmouth that, as an usher, I'd throw him out of the theater without a refund if he didn't shut up. He complained to my manager, and my manager told him to shut up. So the guy complained to his boss, who threw him out of the theater. True story!

This can't be true, but it's wonderful if it is.

A major Mafia don who was also a movie nut once attended a screening with a real asshole, who kept talking loudly, yelling at the screen, etc. Finally, this don gets up, walks over to the guy, and quietly informs him, "If I hear another fucking word from you during this entire picture, I am going to shoot you dead and chop your corpse into pig food."

The guy didn't pay attention, and about halfway through, the guy gets up and goes to the bathroom...and doesn't come back.

The theater manager now makes a point of telling the ushers to shush loudmouths.

[Soggy Bagel's Revenge!]

Originally posted by Dr. Shrinker
Why do I suspect your DVD collection includes an inordinate amount of Judy Garland movies?

That's terrible... ^_~

Thanx,
Brook

[thaggas]

Originally posted by Cap42086
Trust me. If you saw her, you'd run for the Goddamn hills. That reminds me, she never gave me back my Gladiator DVD.

Wow you got rid of her and the Gladiator DVD? What luck!

[EM3]

Why I dislike the movies

Babies
Crying babies
cell phones
and
People that won't shut up

Last one Damn near got me killed one night thanks to 2 teenage girls got in a popcorn fight with me stuck in the middle. Well I lost it on them and told themoff. I didn't see the boyfriends and each one was about twice my size. Knew I was dead after the flick but I guess they figured if I was nuts enough to jump up and yell at them in a full movie house they might not want to mess with me. This is why I think people should have to pass a test before breeding should be allowed.

Why I watch movies at home.

No babies
Turn the phone off
My own bathroom
Beer is cheaper
Popcorn without 10lbs of salt on it.

Don't get me wrong I don't hate kids but I just don't want any of my own. Leave it to others to populater the world. Good thing my wife feels the same.

[Enzian]

Popcorn without 10 lbs of salt on it? What good is that!?

I love the salt - I love the way my lips tingle...



... when the defibrillator hits.

[aintnosin]

This one happened when I first saw Goldeneye at a theater near Vienna, VA, back in '95.

There was this kind, probably ten, a couple of rows ahead of me. He insisted on, despite his mother's repeated attempts to get him to stop, sitting on the floor ...

... in the middle of the aisle...

... in a dark theater...

The lady who tripped over him used some very unlady-like language.

If I recall correctly, the kid was back sitting on the floor within a few minutes.

[EM3]

If I stay away from the 10lbs of salt I might keep the heart attack or stroke away the doctor is worried about. He's a quack though. Another concern and this is serious. I am a diabetic and it is almost impossible to get something to eat that won't put me into a sugar coma. As bad as I want the 8 pack of Reese cups I won't eat it. I like to have feeling in my hands and feet think you!

[NotEd]

Originally posted by EM3
If I stay away from the 10lbs of salt I might keep the heart attack or stroke away the doctor is worried about. He's a quack though. Another concern and this is serious. I am a diabetic and it is almost impossible to get something to eat that won't put me into a sugar coma. As bad as I want the 8 pack of Reese cups I won't eat it. I like to have feeling in my hands and feet think you!

I used to work in a theater in senior year of high school and would actually attempt to pop the corn with extra salt. Of course I am a diabetic too and I would sit and pop corn drinking Diet Coke/Cherry Slurpee blends and reading magazines, as the theater was too cheap to buy a pretty popper that you could see in public. I blame my attempts to cause hypertension in the elderly to the sugar-high I was on most of the time.

Of course if you saw the oil that it was popped in you would realize that matter how much salt you avoided putting in the corn, you were still going to die. Hell I probably got high cholesterol just sitting next to it.

[Cap42086]

Originally posted by Dr. Shrinker
Why do I suspect your DVD collection includes an inordinate amount of Judy Garland movies?

Because people like jumping to conclusions.

[Cap42086]

Originally posted by Dr. Shrinker
Why do I suspect your DVD collection includes an inordinate amount of Judy Garland movies?

Which reminds me, anyone know where I can get Salo for under $75?

By the way, why I find similarities between Judy Garland movies and the most disturbing film ever made is beyond me.

[egman]

Multiplexes are a blackhead on the face of cinema. Of all the things that effect the box office, I think the overall crappiness that emenates from going to multiplex is that one thing.

Why go through this torture to see a movie when I could have a more pleasant experince watching the DVD on my computer with surround headphones?

I have definately had my fair share of bad experinces. The latest one was going to see Lilo and Stitch with my baby brother and the projectionist had the film jacked up a foot or so off the screen. The evening was like listen to a cracked record and I just could not get over the fact someone found this as an acceptable way to present a film.

And probably the worst experince I ever had as a filmgoer was going to see the new version of the Exorcist and having to sit through it with not just a crowd, but a WHOLE theater full of immature teens who absolutely refused take the film seriously. They laughed at inappriate times, provided their own "scholarly" commentary for everyone to hear, and they used those fucking annoying pin lights( the person who invented that little miracle needs be burning in Hell right now).

What made it worse was I not only watching this for enjoyment; I actually brought a notebook in for notes and was planning on using the screening for a journal assingment in my film class. Rest assured I included this embrassming scene in my write up to further show how film going experince and degraded in the last couple of decades.

[JasonKurtz]

When I saw Anaconda the film actually caught fire. I was actually quite ecstatic to be getting my $8.50 back halfway through the movie. Sort of like a gift from god.