I'm THX MAN

[snarkfarms]

Well,I finally broke down and did it,my receiver doesn't support THX,but I get so many customers asking me about THX,that I decided to call up THX,and see if could get myself THX certified,that's right,I'm now THX certified head to toe.So I thought I would share the process with all of you.

First I called up THX and asked how much it would set me back to become THX MAN,a very nice assistant named Deirdre asked me a few questions,and then told me that personal THX certification was available for about $250 bucks,depending on travel time.

My THX rep arrived last friday promptly at 9 am,after measuring me,he said he was sorry to inform me,that since I was 5 feet,8 inches tall,he couldn't certify me,because I couldn't qualify as 16x9 anamorphic.

I was devastated,fortunately,after slipping him an extra $20,he said he would let it slide.

Next came the sound testing,this was a little more intense,first he said that since no part of my body could actually produce a sound low enough be considered a subwoofer,he AGAIN says that he can't certify me as THX,so I slipped him another $20,and after a little dicussion,he agrees to list me as "5.0".

The only drawback is that whenever I fart,I can't hear it,but apparently dogs can,go figure.

Then came the vision test,which was a little unusual,it was a two-part test,the first test was smoke,the second was mirrors,and come to think of it,was it really neccessary for him to shave me?

I mean don't Doctors only do that before surgery in those areas?I don't think that was right.And it itches like hell.

Next came the audio test,this consisted of him showing me various scenes from MY DINNER WITH ANDRE,and saying "Better now?Better here?"Over and over.

Next he measured my hands and feet,and once again informed me that since my hands were smaller than my feet,he could not recommend me for THX certification.

After all this,I was desperate,I finally offered him $50 bucks to let it slide,thank God he agreed,so now I am the proud owner of a THX logo on my right butt cheek.

You know,I still have the left butt cheek open,wonder how much it cost to get DTS....I'll let you know.

Snarkfarms THX666


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[This message has been edited by snarkfarms (edited 02-07-2000).]

Oh my God, I haven't laughed this hard since one of my customers tried to convince me of the merrits of divx . That has to be the funniest post I have ever seen. Thank you for the much needed laugh.
j

[Rejemy]

I'm sorry, I don't believe a word of it. Your credibility was ruined when you described the THX technician being concerned with 16x9 enhancement.

[Chromy]

Dammit Snark, you're going to start giving GL ideas

[1138]

Oh man that was funny, snark! Please keep the material coming.

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Floyd is pink.
http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Lot/3924/

[snarkfarms]

Uh-oh,I just got an E-mail from somebody who says he knows someone at THX,and he faxed a copy of that article,I mean joke,yeah that's it joke,to him.

If I never post here again,please look for my body at Skywalker ranch.

Snarkfarms

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[Taxi]

Snark, that was a joke? Man, I was hoping that I too could someday be the master of the Ultrasonic Gas Syndrome (UGS).

I guess I'll just have to be content with SBDs.

T42

[1138]

Well, we can look on the good side of the FAX thing and hope that they take offense at the 16x9 part and get their heads out of there..., well, you know, and get on it! They've got a lot of making up to do for their whole take on DVD in my opinion.

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Floyd is pink.
http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Lot/3924/