Snarkfarms review of MISSION TO MARS - DVDfile.com forum for DVD, Blu-Ray, and HD-DVD

snarkfarms · 09-16-2000, 12:42 AM

I can't resist this one,I'm a film fan,so I'm a perfectly willing participant in the suspension of disbelief,but come on!

Spoilers ahoy!

So they basically traveled 100 million miles to Mars to kill Tim Robbins,give Don Cheadle a hair cut,and visit the biggest Denny's in the universe.

Why do I call the ship a Denny's?there's nothing but white on the inside.

And let me get this straight,when the first crew encounters a giant whirlwind that is growling at them,they don't haul ass back to the mars mini-van and burn rubber back to their ship,instead they stand there going;"Ooooh...Aaaah."

If you don't already know this,let me just clue you in,if anything in your life growls at you,run,I don't care if it's a coffee table,inanimate objects don't growl,if they do then something is seriously wrong with your universe,and you need to get the fuck out of Dodge.

If I'm ever in a similar situation,and a whirlwind coming out a mountain growls at me,there will sparks coming off of my space boots.

"Hey Snark,what are you doing back here?Where's the rest of the guys?"

"You tell me,they're standing in front of a giant tornado thats picking up rocks the size of grapefruit and growling at them,and taking home movies of the damn thing,toss me a beer."

And what about the music soundtrack?Was it not the most overblown and pretentious noodling you've ever heard?

Ennio Morricone has done some great work in the past,it's too bad it didn't happen here,perhaps he mistook the film for a Lassie movie.

There were some really good people in this movie,but Brian De Palma's track record has more bombs in it than Arafat's rec room.

And as for the CGI,I've seen more realistic work in an episode of REBOOT.

Oh well,see you at the movies.

Snarkfarms

------------------

esc · 09-16-2000, 03:08 AM

yup, i have to agree with that. especially the tornado scene, but i thuoght that the music was creepy and cool.

whilst on the topic of bad reviews, here is one for species that i pulled off the net a while ago that i thought was particualrly funny:

Species is a chocolate-covered pork rind on the Hollywood junk food buffet--a jiggly-boobs sci-fi picture with spectacularly awful dialogue. It should really be called Sperm Hunter From Outer Space. It's what you might get if the Playboy Channel and the Discovery Channel mated: there are topless aliens, and there are molecular biologists trying to extract jism from a California hot tub. (I'm not making this up; I wish I were.) The plot is simple to the point of mindlessness. Unfortunately, it still requires endless explanation and exposition, most of it supplied by Ben Kingsley, who plays some sort of top-secret government bigwig. An alien society has beamed down a recipe for a new half-human, half-other life form. Kingsley and pals have obligingly whipped up a batch of the new D.N.A. in the lab. (Just like I used to do with Sea Monkey packets ordered from the backs of Archie comics!) But--holy cow!--this stuff turns out to be more than they bargained for. The new thing looks like a pretty teenage blond girl, but it has the strength of an American Gladiator, and it's hungry all the time. Pretty soon, it breaks out of its cell and hops a freight train to L.A. It wants to mate, you see: those alien tricksters sent it down as a sort of interplanetary weed-killer, hoping to wipe out the human race before it spreads through the galaxy. Kingsley is left to hunt down The Gal From Beyond Uranus, who spends a lot of time club-hopping and taking off her top. He puts together a multidisciplinary task force--a couple of scientists, a hit man, and, of course, a psychic/empath--to follow her trail. Forest Whitaker, who can't stop twitching and blinking, is the empath. You can't imagine how insightful he is: "Something bad happened here," he intuits, after the group discovers the murdered body of a train conductor stuck in a roomful of gloppy alien goo. Species, which was directed by Roger Donaldson (No Way Out, White Sands), is a weird blend of the chintzy and the overblown. There are lots of expensive chopper shots, coupled with cheesy, cheapo computer animation. The alien, seen in her true form, looks like Freddy Krueger with a metallic beehive. Kingsley wears the same Armani suitfor the whole movie--I guess we should just assume that he spends all of his off-screen time at the one-hour Martinizing shop. Anyway, if you happen to be in the right frame of mind when you see Species, you won't stop laughing. Until you get a look at that space in your wallet where the seven dollars used to be. Rated R for nudity and violence.

[This message has been edited by esc (edited 09-15-2000).]

JimmyJakes · 09-16-2000, 04:50 AM

I saw Mission to Mars in the theatre and like a fool, I thought that DePalma may pull off an interesting twist on the standard story. I guess not. I'll probably enjoy the movie better the second time around because I'll know what to expect. Does anyone else get tired of seeing DePalma ape other directors in his films? He sees it as paying homage, but it always rips me completely out of the story and gets me thinking about the other film. In Mission to Mars, I couldn't help but think of 2001 and Close Encounters and how this movie paled in comparison to both.

09-16-2000, 12:42 AM	#1 (permalink)
snarkfarms Actor Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: tulsa, oklahoma	Snarkfarms review of MISSION TO MARS I can't resist this one,I'm a film fan,so I'm a perfectly willing participant in the suspension of disbelief,but come on! Spoilers ahoy! So they basically traveled 100 million miles to Mars to kill Tim Robbins,give Don Cheadle a hair cut,and visit the biggest Denny's in the universe. Why do I call the ship a Denny's?there's nothing but white on the inside. And let me get this straight,when the first crew encounters a giant whirlwind that is growling at them,they don't haul ass back to the mars mini-van and burn rubber back to their ship,instead they stand there going;"Ooooh...Aaaah." If you don't already know this,let me just clue you in,if anything in your life growls at you,run,I don't care if it's a coffee table,inanimate objects don't growl,if they do then something is seriously wrong with your universe,and you need to get the fuck out of Dodge. If I'm ever in a similar situation,and a whirlwind coming out a mountain growls at me,there will sparks coming off of my space boots. "Hey Snark,what are you doing back here?Where's the rest of the guys?" "You tell me,they're standing in front of a giant tornado thats picking up rocks the size of grapefruit and growling at them,and taking home movies of the damn thing,toss me a beer." And what about the music soundtrack?Was it not the most overblown and pretentious noodling you've ever heard? Ennio Morricone has done some great work in the past,it's too bad it didn't happen here,perhaps he mistook the film for a Lassie movie. There were some really good people in this movie,but Brian De Palma's track record has more bombs in it than Arafat's rec room. And as for the CGI,I've seen more realistic work in an episode of REBOOT. Oh well,see you at the movies. Snarkfarms ------------------

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09-16-2000, 03:08 AM	#2 (permalink)
esc Stay behind my aura! Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: camrose, alberta, canada	yup, i have to agree with that. especially the tornado scene, but i thuoght that the music was creepy and cool. whilst on the topic of bad reviews, here is one for species that i pulled off the net a while ago that i thought was particualrly funny: Species is a chocolate-covered pork rind on the Hollywood junk food buffet--a jiggly-boobs sci-fi picture with spectacularly awful dialogue. It should really be called Sperm Hunter From Outer Space. It's what you might get if the Playboy Channel and the Discovery Channel mated: there are topless aliens, and there are molecular biologists trying to extract jism from a California hot tub. (I'm not making this up; I wish I were.) The plot is simple to the point of mindlessness. Unfortunately, it still requires endless explanation and exposition, most of it supplied by Ben Kingsley, who plays some sort of top-secret government bigwig. An alien society has beamed down a recipe for a new half-human, half-other life form. Kingsley and pals have obligingly whipped up a batch of the new D.N.A. in the lab. (Just like I used to do with Sea Monkey packets ordered from the backs of Archie comics!) But--holy cow!--this stuff turns out to be more than they bargained for. The new thing looks like a pretty teenage blond girl, but it has the strength of an American Gladiator, and it's hungry all the time. Pretty soon, it breaks out of its cell and hops a freight train to L.A. It wants to mate, you see: those alien tricksters sent it down as a sort of interplanetary weed-killer, hoping to wipe out the human race before it spreads through the galaxy. Kingsley is left to hunt down The Gal From Beyond Uranus, who spends a lot of time club-hopping and taking off her top. He puts together a multidisciplinary task force--a couple of scientists, a hit man, and, of course, a psychic/empath--to follow her trail. Forest Whitaker, who can't stop twitching and blinking, is the empath. You can't imagine how insightful he is: "Something bad happened here," he intuits, after the group discovers the murdered body of a train conductor stuck in a roomful of gloppy alien goo. Species, which was directed by Roger Donaldson (No Way Out, White Sands), is a weird blend of the chintzy and the overblown. There are lots of expensive chopper shots, coupled with cheesy, cheapo computer animation. The alien, seen in her true form, looks like Freddy Krueger with a metallic beehive. Kingsley wears the same Armani suitfor the whole movie--I guess we should just assume that he spends all of his off-screen time at the one-hour Martinizing shop. Anyway, if you happen to be in the right frame of mind when you see Species, you won't stop laughing. Until you get a look at that space in your wallet where the seven dollars used to be. Rated R for nudity and violence. [This message has been edited by esc (edited 09-15-2000).]

09-16-2000, 04:50 AM	#3 (permalink)
JimmyJakes Supporting Actor Join Date: Sep 2000	I saw Mission to Mars in the theatre and like a fool, I thought that DePalma may pull off an interesting twist on the standard story. I guess not. I'll probably enjoy the movie better the second time around because I'll know what to expect. Does anyone else get tired of seeing DePalma ape other directors in his films? He sees it as paying homage, but it always rips me completely out of the story and gets me thinking about the other film. In Mission to Mars, I couldn't help but think of 2001 and Close Encounters and how this movie paled in comparison to both.